david's wilderness [an old writing]

I was thinking about David today.

He was a shepherd for a very long time before Samuel ever anointed him king.

He was alone for years.

What did he learn that was so important? Why did God choose him instead of one of his brothers? How did he come to know God so intimately, alone, out there in the pastures with nothing but his sheep, slingshot, staff, and harp?

I wonder...

Maybe the times when we feel alone are the times when God can do His greatest work in us, because He becomes all that we have.

Maybe the times when we fight those solitary battles (the ones that nobody sees) are the times when God can teach us to fight most effectively. He is our only coach, our only audience.

Maybe the times when absolute silence/solitude surrounds us are the times when we begin to hear His whisper most intimately.

Maybe the times when our huge victories go unnoticed (David killed a few bears in his time) are the times when God can deal with our pride and ambition most ruthlessly.

Maybe those times in the "wilderness" become the best times in our lives. Our focus becomes the eternal; our purpose becomes clear.

So then, when God calls us out from the wilderness to embrace our destiny, we are not so afraid of giants anymore, nor the taunts of men. God is our captain and our victory is assured, and we will not be dissuaded.

And when the hard times come...again...we remember those times in the wilderness, and we remember that God is for us and not against us. We remember the bears and the lions. We remember his gentle corrections and strong rebukes. We remember his laughter and his voice, speaking gently to our hearts.

And our faces set like flint. And we begin to talk in another language, one that only heaven can understand, as God digs His sword even deeper into our hearts and wedges out the things that have lingered.

Our faces become set toward heaven, and we begin to live like men with eternity in their hearts.

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble are called...

Like David. Like Jesus.

Psalm 23; 1 Corinthians 1:26; 1 Samuel 16-1 Kings 2; Isaiah 53

raw

tonight I met a man who walked in North Korea. who sang songs about Jesus. who led his tour “guide” (read – guard) to Christ.

this was potentially the most unexpected thing to happen to me in the last, say, year and a half.

have you ever wept so hard you wanted to throw up?

welcome to my life.

how can I even express the deep things of my heart?

He is ripping all of my plans apart. Everything I thought I was “called” to, all those plans of mine, every thought, action, word, standard that I have ever planned is being held up and ripped apart.

oh so gently.

(amazing how He does that)

goer.sender.mobilizer.interceder…all words used to describe callings.
I certainly can’t pick one.

I want to be where He is.

That is the only thing I truly desire.

I don’t know where that will take me.

I really don’t care.

Just let me walk where He walks.

The nations? fine. America? fine. Intercession? fine. Singleness? fine. Marriage? fine. Life? fine. Death? fine. College? fine. No college? fine.

“I count all things as loss compared to the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord…”

not just a crutch phrase anymore.

my life.

(not my own)

dead.
dead.
dead.

to live is Christ. to die is gain.

Fear not…He whispers…will you trust Me that just One thing is enough? Just Me? That a life spent seeking My face is not a wasted life but in fact is the only “life” there is?

Preparing For the [un]Known

I've been told it takes discipline to be a doctor. More specifically, it takes discipline to make it through medical school.

I find myself wondering lately how to balance a love of discipline with a love of spontaneity. Can I "schedule in" spontaneity? Does that count?

I love the feeling of buffer - not having every minute of every day scheduled. But if I don't make a schedule, nothing much gets done.

I guess I'm getting to a point where I have to seriously decide what my priorities will be. I know what they are currently - it's easy to see where I spend the majority of my time. But what if I want those to change? Or what if they have to?

Maybe I have 10 top priorities right now, but what if they need to be whittled down to 5?

For instance, now, in this season of my life, I can put off homework now and then, spontaneously even, in order to hang out with friends for a night, watch a movie, or scroll around facebook or the blogging world.

But what if that needs to change? Well...not the friends :)

Does this make sense?

I am only asking because of this need for

preparation.

I feel this so strongly in my spirit. I cannot stop thinking of it in regards school, work, ministry, physically...even the end times have taken on such an intensity I have never felt before.

But even as I feel this urgency, I feel like I am urgently preparing for the...unknown?

I can make guesses...but I don't fully know.

I was telling someone the other day that I have been feeling so excited lately, but for what I DON'T KNOW. Except that the Lord is doing it, so it must be fantastic!
[while remembering that even His judgments are good]

And then during prayer today, I had this thought: If we are ever to learn of Jesus as our Leader, there is no way He is going to reveal everything to us all at once, else how would we?

In this time, Psalm 23...73:25-28...37...84...these are good to me. Let me reflect on His goodness, and I will be satisfied. I will trust. I will follow.