of chasms and justice

Last night was one of those desperate moments. 


Of seeing sin in my own heart and feeling helpless because I really desired it. 
I WANTED to be angry; I WANTED to hold onto "justice."


It was a moment of truly seeing Him and realizing I was on the opposite side. 


So what do you do in that moment of looking up from the situation and realizing...I am alone. 


When you see Him across the other side of the Grand Canyon, it seems, with no bridge in sight?


How can He be over THERE?!?


Does He not see what the situation demands?


Where is justice? Where is truth?


But for some funny reason, He is telling ME to come over THERE.


What.


Is.


This.


No way. He needs to come over here and fix this right now.


--------------------------------------------


A few days go by.


And a few more.


Alone. Alone. Alone.


He has not left my sight, but I am not going over there.


Never.


That would hurt too much. 


Surely love and forgiveness...are horribly inconvenient, nagging truths right now. 
I want another truth. I want my truth. The obvious stuff. The kind that doesn't touch my heart.


------------------------------------------


Finally, desperation.


I cannot live like this for long.

His justice is better. His way is not mine. He wanted me, died for me, while I was a sinner.

Not when I was perfect.

Not when I had anything to offer.

There is something more important than how I am feeling, how I am assessing the situation.


Him.


Simply Him.


And yet, over there.


He is still over there, across a chasm that I cannot possibly cross, because I have never been able to purify my own heart, never been able to make myself righteous.


What do I do with this mess?


Screaming, crying, weeping for change.


But not in the situation, this time...in my own heart.


___________________________


and then, a miracle!


He 


meets


me.


___________________________


For if we confess our sins, He is faithful and JUST to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9


Maybe His justice looks a little differently than I expected.


May I extend such to others.


Selah.

beautiful redemption

Matthew 1:5-6

Salmon was the father of Boaz by Rahab, Boaz was the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse. Jesse was the father of David the king. David was the father of Solomon by Bathsheba who had been the wife of Uriah. Solomon was the father of Rehoboam, Rehoboam the father of Abijah, and Abijah the father of Asa.

In two short verses, three extremely broken women are listed.

1 - Rahab, a prostitute.

2 - Ruth, a pagan Moabitess.

3 - Bathsheba, an adulteress and illegitimate mother.

You probably know their stories...

Rahab, a prostitute, saved the lives of Joshua and Caleb when they were spying out the land of Canaan. She hid them in her house while the whole city was looking for them. Because of this, she and her family were the only people spared from that city when the Israelites advanced.

Ruth was originally a Moabitess before she married into a Jewish family. Even then, after her husband died, her mother-in-law freed her to go her own way, back to her own people. Yet Ruth clung, not only to Naomi, but to her God.

Bathsheba, the wife of one of David's mighty men, slept with David, became pregnant, and later became his wife after David had her husband killed. This whole situation was so grievous to the Lord that He would not allow their first child to live. And yet...one of her sons carried on the lineage of David, and later, Jesus Christ.

It just really hit me as I was reading this how much God believes in His own redemption. He chose these women to be in the lineage of His Son!

Even now, He calls us, redeems us, accepts us...and then fits us right into His great plan!

...to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. - Ephesians 1:6

Praise be to Him forever and ever, because He has redeemed us!