david's wilderness [an old writing]

I was thinking about David today.

He was a shepherd for a very long time before Samuel ever anointed him king.

He was alone for years.

What did he learn that was so important? Why did God choose him instead of one of his brothers? How did he come to know God so intimately, alone, out there in the pastures with nothing but his sheep, slingshot, staff, and harp?

I wonder...

Maybe the times when we feel alone are the times when God can do His greatest work in us, because He becomes all that we have.

Maybe the times when we fight those solitary battles (the ones that nobody sees) are the times when God can teach us to fight most effectively. He is our only coach, our only audience.

Maybe the times when absolute silence/solitude surrounds us are the times when we begin to hear His whisper most intimately.

Maybe the times when our huge victories go unnoticed (David killed a few bears in his time) are the times when God can deal with our pride and ambition most ruthlessly.

Maybe those times in the "wilderness" become the best times in our lives. Our focus becomes the eternal; our purpose becomes clear.

So then, when God calls us out from the wilderness to embrace our destiny, we are not so afraid of giants anymore, nor the taunts of men. God is our captain and our victory is assured, and we will not be dissuaded.

And when the hard times come...again...we remember those times in the wilderness, and we remember that God is for us and not against us. We remember the bears and the lions. We remember his gentle corrections and strong rebukes. We remember his laughter and his voice, speaking gently to our hearts.

And our faces set like flint. And we begin to talk in another language, one that only heaven can understand, as God digs His sword even deeper into our hearts and wedges out the things that have lingered.

Our faces become set toward heaven, and we begin to live like men with eternity in their hearts.

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble are called...

Like David. Like Jesus.

Psalm 23; 1 Corinthians 1:26; 1 Samuel 16-1 Kings 2; Isaiah 53

raw

tonight I met a man who walked in North Korea. who sang songs about Jesus. who led his tour “guide” (read – guard) to Christ.

this was potentially the most unexpected thing to happen to me in the last, say, year and a half.

have you ever wept so hard you wanted to throw up?

welcome to my life.

how can I even express the deep things of my heart?

He is ripping all of my plans apart. Everything I thought I was “called” to, all those plans of mine, every thought, action, word, standard that I have ever planned is being held up and ripped apart.

oh so gently.

(amazing how He does that)

goer.sender.mobilizer.interceder…all words used to describe callings.
I certainly can’t pick one.

I want to be where He is.

That is the only thing I truly desire.

I don’t know where that will take me.

I really don’t care.

Just let me walk where He walks.

The nations? fine. America? fine. Intercession? fine. Singleness? fine. Marriage? fine. Life? fine. Death? fine. College? fine. No college? fine.

“I count all things as loss compared to the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord…”

not just a crutch phrase anymore.

my life.

(not my own)

dead.
dead.
dead.

to live is Christ. to die is gain.

Fear not…He whispers…will you trust Me that just One thing is enough? Just Me? That a life spent seeking My face is not a wasted life but in fact is the only “life” there is?

Preparing For the [un]Known

I've been told it takes discipline to be a doctor. More specifically, it takes discipline to make it through medical school.

I find myself wondering lately how to balance a love of discipline with a love of spontaneity. Can I "schedule in" spontaneity? Does that count?

I love the feeling of buffer - not having every minute of every day scheduled. But if I don't make a schedule, nothing much gets done.

I guess I'm getting to a point where I have to seriously decide what my priorities will be. I know what they are currently - it's easy to see where I spend the majority of my time. But what if I want those to change? Or what if they have to?

Maybe I have 10 top priorities right now, but what if they need to be whittled down to 5?

For instance, now, in this season of my life, I can put off homework now and then, spontaneously even, in order to hang out with friends for a night, watch a movie, or scroll around facebook or the blogging world.

But what if that needs to change? Well...not the friends :)

Does this make sense?

I am only asking because of this need for

preparation.

I feel this so strongly in my spirit. I cannot stop thinking of it in regards school, work, ministry, physically...even the end times have taken on such an intensity I have never felt before.

But even as I feel this urgency, I feel like I am urgently preparing for the...unknown?

I can make guesses...but I don't fully know.

I was telling someone the other day that I have been feeling so excited lately, but for what I DON'T KNOW. Except that the Lord is doing it, so it must be fantastic!
[while remembering that even His judgments are good]

And then during prayer today, I had this thought: If we are ever to learn of Jesus as our Leader, there is no way He is going to reveal everything to us all at once, else how would we?

In this time, Psalm 23...73:25-28...37...84...these are good to me. Let me reflect on His goodness, and I will be satisfied. I will trust. I will follow.

Christians Don't Tell Lies

“Christians don’t tell lies – they just go to church and sing them.”

[[a.w. tozer]]

this has been rolling around in my hea[d]rt so much lately.

every time I worship.

every time I say “God is enough” ...“He is worth everything” ... “I will follow Him ANYWHERE!”

really?

when is enough…truly Enough?

I am not advocating perfectionism or ripping out your tongue so that you will not speak falsely.

I am advocating asking the Holy Spirit to search your heart and mind before you carelessly whisper sweet nothings to your God that mean…absolutely nothing.

If I was your girlfriend and you told me soooo many sweet things and journaled about me and even managed hang out with me for a couple hours on, say, a Sunday...but your actions never lined up with your multitudes of platitudes??? What would you EXPECT me to do?

If my actions prove the truth of my words – what is my fruit shouting about me?

!JESUS!

You are my Redeemer.

You remain Faithful when I am faithless.

YOUR words are always true.

Please.

Please let my words MEAN something.

Please make me like You.

create

dreams and visions

in the night seem far-fetched

and the day shows them for what they are.

who are you to dream?

they say.

weren’t you born…didn’t you come from…surely you would never think to…

yes.

but I say

dreams were never meant to be defined by reality, only to define it.

let me dream again!

oh Father.

give me GOOD dreams.

make me like You.

my heart overflows with water, my eyes with tears, my body with dancing.

surely my soul knows what my mind will not.

in all brooding there is joy. in mourning, hope, as I wait for the dawn
(on THAT day).

let my life be a sacrifice to Thee.

I will have none other.

in all art, in all purpose, in all writing, philosophy, thought, action, speech, DANCE, let my creativity flow toward You and through You and for You!

let Yourself be the ideal I aspire to

and make me like an arrow pointing to heaven.

let YOUR name be written on my forehead and Your law on my heart.

let me not cease meditating day and night on Your beauty.

inspire me,

create in me

a clean heart

a right spirit

a gentle obedience...

make me

like You!

why I believe in miracles

I am firmly convinced that the Lord does miracles.

As I was driving back from lunch a little while ago, I was commenting on how much I loved my dad, how much I appreciated him, and how joyful I feel whenever I think about him. Like, I really, really, REALLY like my dad! :)

and in the briefest second, my mind flashed back to when I was thirteen.

bitter

distrustful.

closed off.

unforgiving.

hating my dad.

I remembered the first time I went to a retreat with my church’s youth group. God hit me powerfully with the need to forgive my dad, and I remember walking to the front to pray with somebody, weeping uncontrollably, utterly unable to release the memories and pain and abandonment from the past. I remember praying, “God, I am willing, but YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THIS FROM ME. I can’t do it…”

He took it.

He simply took it.

Over the next 5 years He consistently pursued me and refined me and listened to all my ridiculous excuses and dried my tears and…He changed me.

I can now honestly say that I just love my daddy. :)

One of my favorite authors, Ted Dekker, wrote a book (fictional) about a little boy who was full of childlike faith, pure in heart, and the Lord would just do miracles through him at an astounding rate. But at one point in the book – well, actually the whole book plays this thought out – a preacher talking with the boy’s guardians says this:

Whoever said that a healed hand is more spectacular than a healed heart?

That thought has pierced my heart, over and over and over again.

Whoever said that the miracles we see…healings, financial things, open doors…whatever…who’s to say that any of these temporary things are more spectacular than a healed heart that lasts forever?

I think that when God does heal, He does it so we can see in the physical what He wants to do in the eternal.

Can God heal a hand, or a throat, or a stomach, or a body?

Yes!

Does He want to?

Sure!

But sometimes He won’t if our hearts are hard, or we’re only looking for proof of something that is already staring us straight in the face, or He has something better in mind entirely.

It is so silly to think that God is incapable of healing today. He does it all the time!

Just not always in the ways we expect…

Have you ever heard of Nick Vujicic?

Crazy passionate fiery man running after God’s heart – God has used him to bring many to Himself. Nick was born with no arms or legs. He has cried out for arms/legs many times. Do you know what God has told him?

What a failure it would be if you wanted arms and legs more than you wanted Me.

Would you rather arms and legs or 400,000 more people to be with Me forever?

Sometimes God has bigger things in mind for us than we can imagine, and sometimes he uses the deficiencies in our physical bodies to do those things.

Not always.

But sometimes.

If God is powerful enough to heal a heart, why do we think He’s so puny that He can’t heal a limb?

Surely that’s the least of His troubles…He could blink and it would be done.

Our hearts are more troublesome to Him, I think.

And so.

If He ever told me to pray for someone to be healed…I would do it. I mean, what could it hurt? If He wants to do it, He will.

And if you are waiting on a “miracle”, realize that 1) you are already IN one, and 2) you can trust His timing on the other. He knows what He’s doing. ;)

i'll be runnin' into storm [see ya there]

lyrics to one of my favorite songs
(Austin Roberts, Whirlwind)
___________________________________________________
when the whirlwind came we went underground
at the siren sound some went to chase it down

weather's changin' and we'll all run in some direction
weather's changin' and we'll all run in some direction

rain falls on everyone, windows close and the flowers open
and i know i'm not the only one, we all run in some direction

it was a little ways off, i had my ear to the ground
every body runnin' around
and i know the storm cellar won't save this town

weather's changin' and we'll all run in some direction
weather's changin' and we'll all run in some direction

rain falls on everyone, windows close and the flowers open
and i know i'm not the only one, we all run in some direction

i'll be runnin' into the storm when it's comin' down

i would rather die bein' strike by light than go the rest of my days
scared to live my life
if it's my last glimpse, what a pretty sight, a moment of day in the
dead of night

rain falls on everyone, windows close and the flowers open
and i know i'm not the only one, we all run in some direction

rain falls on everyone, windows close and the flowers open
and i know i'm not the only one, we all run in some direction

i'll run in your direction
i'll run in your direction
_______________________________________________________

makes me think a little bit a lot about Matthew 24...25...

I want to be running into His storm, even if it's the scariest thing I'll ever do for the rest of my life. let it be said that I [we] ran.

the time's not too far off now...He's coming...in the storms...
i'm running...